A Caveman on Zeta Reticuli

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Humanity weathered 50 long years since the Asiko asteroid called "Unnamed unnamed" struck the blue planet to goop. In the final Escape Room, NASA shot seeds into the galaxy pot. A quest to discover the next "biig" planet. Cut scene.

Trapped on a faraway globe of rocks, somewhere nested in the gravy blanket of Zeta Reticuli, a gravity-stretched astro-farmer named Norman Spence can be seen by a caveman campfire, donning a virtual reality headset. "I love Oculus, I love my friends," cried Spence to Hollywood Reporter J.O.A.L.O Kiko (half invisible robot, one-quarter levitating love monster).

Spence is a faithful servant of the Fifth Expedition. He will be pioneering a new way of lanking for the first two thousand years. Norman's been hailed as Moses the Pilgrim. Some even shout he's the "Next Colossus," given the difficult lack of sunlight on Tuesday. "The Book of Lame Delusion: The Evil With 2 Eyes" has been looping for weeks. The phrase, "There are no gods," is etched in green sand.

Peter Fonda, his space companion and reproduction candidate, was strangled by a serpent just two days into the VC-backed venture. He's in a coma with the Underground Falcon until the end of the end of time. Space.com commented with a "So far, so good."

Dr. D.T. Shaw has confirmed that a new companion named named "Google Google Voodoo Jet" is potentially on her way.